10:00 a.m. - 2006-07-28
passion
Wow I just looked over my old entires and It's so fuuny how to see how in love I have always been my Cali hottie. Ever since 1992 we've been together in one way or another, lovers friends or some crazy combo. Who would have thought, all I wanted then was for him to come to NY I thought if he did that we would fine and happy and have a great life. Now he's in NY and he wants that even said he's willing to work on how he handles emotions and he severe lack of speaking about his emotions. And look at me in a relationship. I just don't understand when the two of us got to be so hard headed. I used to have to say things anything to get a raise out of him, to find out how he felt about me. Now he tells me everyday. I don't even have to say anything, I say hello when I answer the phone and he says Hi i'm in love with you. Not that I don't love him back I do I always will, he's my bunny but I can't live my live in a past that the two us are stuck in. We are different people now. I'm sure i'not the same girl he fell in love with.Shit half on the reason I am the person I am is because of the changes I made to myself after being in love with him. You learn as you get older.
Your first love never goes away because you love that person unconditionaly, you've never been hurt before so you give that guy all of you, your whole heart, after that you get burned and now your heart is sore and always will be, so your next love can never get all of your heart. Their is a peice of you that is forever locked away. Thats why your first love is so intense. He has all of your love, all of your heart. Thats why jesus always knows what to say even when he doesn't say a word. He is the frist person I ever gave myself to completely. He has always had my heart, and more then likly always will, but I have another life now and I am very happy in it. I love my big boy and while he may not be Gee no one ever will be not even Gee himself, that gee that I knew, grew up, and has a baby and an ex wife, and his desire for life seems to have left him. His passion for me is there, but i'm afraid thats all it is. Should I give up my good life for passion? How long can that possably last?
