10:15 p.m. - 2022-06-30
Dean and me
I can't believe how long it's been since I have been on here. I have made changes that have done nothing been brought me back to where I am. I just finished re-watching Supernatural and I finally understand why I get so emotional about Dean. We are so similar-- we give and give some more and do not get in return. We are so RIDE OR DIE for EVERYONE and we do not get that in return.I don't have that from all of the people in my life. I give and don't always get. Moving forward I will not give my all when I am not gettin it. I will not continue to give all I have and not that back. It just doesn't feed my soul, and that is something I need to work on, feeding my soul.
I have spent the last 3 years in a BS relationship with a POS lier and really think I let it go because I needed some sense of security and also he he checked boxes for my parents. In this I allowed for and even made excuses for him. He even lied about his fucking name. He lied about:
Name- Back round- attachment to mother - knowing names of family members that helped to raise him- girl on his phone- who picks him- Going to bed then going to gamble, going to bed then going to a bar- just so much little shit that made excuses for because he made other needs.
Now I have to sell a house, and move away from my family cause I put trust, my ride or die self, into someone that didn't need it. I have to start only doing for those that do for me and everyone else can just fall to the dirt. I will not give anymore of myself.
I watch Dean and how he moves around people and learn from it, lol I am learning from a tv show but I guess any kind of learning counts as long as you are learning. Love those that love me, care for those that show that to me, do for those that do for me. Make that my way of life, and move away from being everyones ride or die.
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