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5:51 p.m. - 2011-02-14
me now
It's been awhile.... I think now more then ever I need to return to the things that made me feel good. for to long I have let trivial things take over my life, no more.
Do to my ideas of how things should be I have lost the love of my lfe. B is gone, and I don't think I can blame him. The last two years I haven't been all in. I"ve been more alone the "you did this so now I will do that" line. I re-read that line and it sounds so immature now, it sounds so very stupid. I think I was just trying to see how far I could push him, and now I know just how far, because I have pushed him so far away that he has left.
There is nothing I can do and nothing I can say and any attemept to get him back, goes unwanted and shows me just how far I really have pushed him away. While I may not have liked the things that he did, I think there was a better way to go about talking to him. I wish I could have found that earlier, I wish I could have just had more pateince. I am so sad now, I really can't even believe the pain, i've never had to deal with in all of me years. With other relationships, the end was always on my terms, just the way I wanted things to be. This is so different from all of that.



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